Words of Advice from a Woman Exiting Her 20's

Ah, reflection. Birthdays sure do seem to be a time of reflection. You get together with friends or family and partake in those traditional birthday festivities; games, eating good food, maybe opening some presents and blowing out candles that by now are too high in quantity to put one for every year of your life. Instead your loved ones have at this point opted for the big chunky numbers, too bold and obvious to miss, staring at you blatantly in the face and simply serving as the 'friendly' reminder of just how old you've actually become. Can't relate? Must be nice.

Remember when you were a child and all of the adults in your life, especially your grandparents, would tell you to enjoy all that you can because the older you get the faster life seems to pass you by? Well, I'm here to tell you that unfortunately they were right. Now I realize that 29 to most is still young and an age that the majority of people would look back on as their "prime". However, I have experienced so much life in my 29 years that there is an insurmountable amount of little lessons I've learned and would've loved to be able to share with my younger self. Instead, I'm going to share them with you in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, you might take away something that will have a positive impact on your life or way of living.

In 29 years of my life, I have experienced pure and utter happiness, pain that practically knocked the wind out of me, heartache from complete and ultimate deceit, anxieties that almost crippled me and extreme excitement from new opportunities. Seriously, I could probably write a novel about things that I have been through. Instead, I will save you the dramatics and sum it all up into a list of 15 lessons that I've learned along the way during this hectic, stressful, joyous, incredible and amazing thing called life.

1. Stop apologizing. Now, I don't mean stop apologizing if you were in the wrong and it is actually warranted. What I mean is, stop apologizing for things that are not your fault. Weakness and self doubt are the rulers of the 'always apologizing' universe and you are better than that. Most importantly, never apologize for being yourself.

2. Do your research. Educate yourself and stay informed. It is easy, especially in today's day and age, to get caught up in the headlines you see on social media and the opinions you read/hear. While some may be accurate, many are not. The way I look at people's opinions is like a game of telephone. It might've started as factual from a person themselves or a reliable news outlet, but it then gets twisted around and over-exaggerated. Read up on current events, not just from one source. Read up on them from multiple different outlets and views, then create your OWN opinion. Not an opinion formed from the opinions of others. You always want to make sure you have a why behind your views and feelings.

3. Learn to forgive. It takes 1% of effort to hold a grudge or hate, it takes 99% of effort to have the emotional maturity to forgive. Holding on to negative feelings like resentment or hate will only negatively impact your overall mental well-being. Forgive and let it go. It will set you free, trust me.

4. If you don't like it, change it. You know who is in charge of your own happiness? You and you alone. If you are unhappy, whether in your job, relationship, city, etc, CHANGE IT. Don't just sit there and complain. Don't just sit there and be negative. Misery loves company after all and it is so easy to let yourself slip into a very dark place. Allowing yourself to drown when all you have to do is start treading water to survive, is mental suicide. Take ownership of your happiness.

5. Move somewhere different. I don't mean an hour and a half drive away from home. I mean MOVE. Move to a different state. Take that study abroad and live in a different country. Nothing will open up your mind to the bigger picture than leaving your safety net. The world is so big and there are so many different cultures to experience. You're doing yourself no favors by staying in a bubble.

6. Diversify your friend group. This is something that I've always just naturally done. I have friends from all walks of life; different backgrounds, different childhoods, different interests, different hobbies, different cultures, etc. Just like staying in your safety net as far as where you live, there is such a thing as a safety net with friends too. I love having a diverse group of friends because they keep me humble and always learning something new. Every person has something unique to bring to the table and I love seeing that in people.

7. Stop caring what people think. This is one that I still have to actively work on. As someone who has been known as a "people pleaser", I used to always care what people thought. What I've learned is that you can't please everyone. If you were the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there would still be someone out there who doesn't like peaches. In my opinion? Screw the people who can't love you for you and stick like glue to those who do.

8. On a similar note, stop caring what people say. Seriously. Easier said than done right? Well I know this one all too well from my teenage years. When I tell you that I lived through hell as a teenager, I am not exaggerating. At the time, what people said about me mattered more than anything and I focused on what was said instead of who I knew I was. I am here to tell you and my younger self that it does not matter in the grand scheme of things. Stay strong in who you know you are as a person. You can't control what people say but you sure can control how you let them effect you. Besides, what does Jane Doe's opinion really matter years later? Literally nothing. People talk because they are bored. People talk because they are jealous. People talk because they are insecure and unhappy themselves. So let them be all of those things and just keeping being you.

9. If you're going to do it, do it 100%. Stop doing things halfway. If you RSVP to a party, go. If you go to work, show up and work. If you start a project, finish it. Give your commitments 100%. The only sure way to live a life without regrets is to make sure you give what you do your all.

10. Learn about empathy and practice it every day. Emotional maturity is not something that happens overnight. Being able to practice empathy takes time to develop. However, once you are able to you will open yourself up to opportunities to learn new things. You will be a better person when faced with adversity, if you step into a leadership position and even your sales will improve if you work in sales. You will become a better partner, teammate, spouse and friend. It can only benefit you in all facets of human interaction.

11. Give yourself grace. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Allow yourself to laugh when you do something embarrassing. Stop chasing perfection, as you are only setting yourself up for a lifetime of failure (the exact thing you're trying so hard to avoid). You're going to have bumps along the way, embrace them. Look at it from the perspective of "What can I learn from this?".

12. Stay away from negative people. You know that coworker who is always gossiping? Or how about that acquaintance who does nothing but complain? Do yourself a favor and do your best to keep your distance. I realize that some people you see on a daily basis you cannot avoid. However, engage negative people as little as possible while still being respectful and kind. Negativity spreads like the plague. It will start to have an effect on how you view things throughout your day and your overall attitude.

13. Don't chase after people. Oh this is a BIG one for me. Whatever you do, do not chase after people. It doesn't matter if it is a boyfriend, friend or even a family member. If someone does not want to have you in their life for whatever reason, you shouldn't want them in yours. Period. You can let yourself be sad, but don't self blame. If someone wants to be with you, date you, call you, see you... they will. Nothing is more empowering than knowing your self worth and not letting yourself down by chasing someone who doesn't deserve you in their life.

14. Lift up other women. I've always been the kind of woman who can genuinely support and empower other women. I've never really been the "jealous" type where I will judge or be catty towards another woman simply because she has qualities or things that I am envious of. Being a woman is hard right? I think we can all agree on that one. But what's worse is that we are the worst towards each other. It's pointless. Lift other women up. If you think she's prettier than you, so what? Genuinely acknowledge that she's pretty. If she is a size 2 and you're a size 12, so what? Genuinely acknowledge that she has a different body type than you. Have enough confidence in yourself to be able to be there for other women. We need each other.

15. Always listen to your gut. Some call it a voice in their head. Some call it a vision from the Man upstairs himself. Whatever it is, I have NEVER been wrong when listening to my gut. Even if I'm taking a test, I will never go behind myself and double check. Because whatever I answered the first time around, I answered with my gut. Listen to your gut for everything, it will not steer you in the wrong direction.

I really wanted to share something that was more heartfelt and a little piece of 'me'. I hope that you all out there still reading enjoyed it! Thank you again for your continued support, it means the world to me. xoxo

P.S. - From then, to now: the photo up top is of me on my 5th birthday, circa 1996. The bottom photo is of me at my favorite beach in South Carolina, circa May 2020. Oh how time flies.